Does a "bad" woman make a story exciting? I bet she's single!

Good movies always seem to have some conflict between "the good" and "the bad." I'd love to do a survey sometime to see what percentage of the time the villain in a non-action film (where we expect the bad guy to be male because only another man can pose a worthwhile challenge to the male hero) is a female--and particularly a single female--versus a male. Do we find it easier to hate women?

Think about "Basic Instinct." I'd never seen that whole movie before until the other night. And now I see how this single woman is portrayed as a spider, a trapper--without ethics, morals or a heart. Seems like another male fantasy movie--the incredibly attractive, sexy female that draws men like flies is finally unveiled as evil. Hmmmm. We've been blaming the female for stuff since at least biblical times. Dr. Karen Lewis mentions the history of how females are assigned to care for all relationships in her great SWWAN Dive interview.

And then there is the Bridget Jones's Diary story. This poor single woman is desperate about being alone and is constantly worrying about how to change herself to catch a man. Then she sleeps with the guy who is a total user. She's not evil, but she's pathetic and personally weak and unempowered. If it weren't for the wonderful poignant humor, this would be a totally depressing film.

This weekend is the opening of Single Working Women's Week--our international celebration of all single working women. We're in Chicago for this and will have available at our event, at a SWWAN-member discount, Dr. Lewis's fascinating book, With or Without a Man, and her workbook of the same name. If you're in town, stop by and see us at Radiance Fine Jewelry, 2139 N. Damen. 11 - 4 on Saturday and 12 to 5 on Sunday.

Raising our consciousness

Many of us aren't aware of the subtle and insidious ways that society disapproves of us for being single. A listener shared her reaction to the SWWAN Dive interview with Dr. Karen Gail Lewis the other day. We appreciate this passionate comment from her:

"As your interview with Dr. Lewis unfolded, I kept thinking 'right on! right on! right on!"

"I sent the interview link to several coworkers - all professional women - who are recently or soon-to-be divorced and seem to be questioning why they feel so good about not having men in their lives. Dr. Lewis had the answer to that! I also sent the link to two friends who get depressed because they haven't found mates, and to a career coach who had related to me that "research shows women generally have a tougher time in retirement than men" so they could hear Dr. Lewis' challenges to biased research, ages-old cultural stereotypes and fears about single women.

"Her wise statement about being choosy in dating and getting involved with a man is key. Let's drop the denial - there are many substandard men out there, men who are indifferent to women's needs, their dreams and passions. These men STILL think women's lives must revolve around them. No matter what planet they come from, I don't believe it's our JOB as women to teach these men how to relate. It was gratifying to hear my point of view validated! Here we are forty years into "liberation" and women keep selling themselves short - stop the insanity! As Dr. Lewis said, knowing who's appropriate to let into one's life, not just settling for anybody is key. That's wisdom that should be spread far and wide!

"Thanks Barbara and Dr. Lewis for the great consciousness raising session and the resources you mentioned!" ~ S.W.

DOES it get better than this?

I remember once seeing a newspaper article taped to someone's refrigerator. It was a well-written article talking about a commercial that glorified a just-the-guys' weekend--can't remember if it was hunting or fishing or camping. The main thing was, they had their beer and each other. And the tagline was "It doesn't get any better than this."

The author of the article, a man, went on to say how inappropriate he thought that tagline was. He talked about his relationships with his children, and particularly with his wife, and how that's the sort of image that really belongs with a tagline like that.

I remember having a brief discussion with my father about this. And what a point of difference we had--it just showed that we were living/thinking/breathing on such different planes that it was a miracle we could ever cross the divide and reach each others' minds.

We're going to be interviewing Dr. Karen Gail Lewis on our SWWAN Dive radio show on July 17. Her book, "With or Without a Man," is a sensitive analysis of what it really means to be single. She's a professional therapist/counselor, a single woman herself, and she'll talk frankly about both the bad and the good parts of being single.

"7 Shocking Truths Every Single (or Single Again) Woman Must Know" mark your calendar to join us on that call. Her stories are fascinating, and her advice is perceptive and wise. You might already know everything she's going to say. But sometimes it's exquisitely rewarding to share your dreams, hopes, fears and joys with others.