Neither singles nor children should be the losers

Read this today about men versus women at work and the role of children in reducing productivity. And should fathers who put more hours in because they don't ever have to take care of their children get promoted over women who do? Have to comment.

Children can indeed be distracting at work. But the welfare of America depends on the good care of future generations. Comparing watching a football game with make sure a child is safe and protected simply doesn't make sense. Having said that, though, there's no reason why men shouldn't be able to bring their children to work as much as women. Why differentiate? A good questions is, how many men would be willing to risk what they might consider "damage" to their male image by showing up at work with a kid?

With 51% of women today being single--many of them single mothers who may not have any extra help at home--it's crazy not to think of ways to help all people with children be as fully productive as possible. By the same logic, single people should not be expected to carry extra burdens at work. Yet they may need time off to care for a friend or relative and not be able to get it. That's not right either.

It's about valuing each individual and helping each other, not fighting over--to coin a phrase from When Harry Met Sally--"this is yours; that's mine." There's a ton of room for improvement in our society's attitudes about family policy.

Have a kid, lose a job - the sad state of affairs for American moms and famliies

What an amazing organization! At Momsrising.org they are fighting all over the United States for legal rights and fair treatment for mothers of all kinds, single and married, who are discriminated against in the work place. According to their research, single moms make only 60% of what men make, even less than the average woman. Then adding it all up, female college grads forfeit a million dollars over their careers.

In the US, mothers and familiies receive less support than in any other industrialized country.

Parents must have time to bond with newborn or newly adopted. Bonding decreases infant mortality, improves child health, reduces juvenile delinquency. Yet only 1 in 7 US mothers receives paid childbirth leave. We are at the bottom in this area - US is on par with New Guinea and Swaziland.

Calif. is the only state that has mandatory 6 weeks' paid leave for parents. The American Federation of Labor advocated for it there. It's financed because Calif. workers agreed to pay through small payroll deductions.

I got this information and a cool DVD--The Motherhood Manifesto--about it from Kiki Peppard, a single mom who's been fighting for 10 years to end discrimination against mothers in PA. She moved there from New York and no one would hire her when they found out she was a single mom!

Here are a few more points and some organizations worth knowing about:

Center for New American Dream - "More of what matters." 4 day week, flexible hours. Time off for kid stuff.

Center for Work-Life Law. No benefits for part-timers hurts mainly women. Business in gen. will not address.

Once businessman learned he was unwittingly discriminating against women. His decision to give everyone flexible hours attracted new, stronger talent, turnover slowed dramatically. Business is great, costs are down.

We need legislation like European - equal treatment for part-timers and flexible hours. UK - soft-touch law, through which any employee can ask employer to grant a different schedule- compressed work week, etc. when need to care for child.

If we give workers flexibility, productivity does NOT have to go down.

The Motherhood Project- concerned about the media, US kids spend 8 hours a day connected. 1000 murders, doubled sexual incidents on TV, millions of children
home alone after school. More juvenile crimes up during times kids are unsupervised. Need more after-school programs. Seattle pays for buses to take kids home after scchool.

Health care. Medical bills figure in 50% of all bankruptcies. People without insurance are 2-3 times more likely to die of same disease as those with. 9 million US kids have no insurance. Life expectancy, mother/child mortality we are far below other nations. Should have all kids insured through program like Medicare. this plus paid sick leave would make a huge difference for mothers.

Center for Social Law/Policy. Children get better faster when parents are around. Only US does not require paid sick leave, incl. time to care for kids.

Childcare - quality matters.average cost of childcare is more than cost of university tuition. Average child care worker earns $17000/year. There's a union for home child care providers in Chicago. The US once passed a universal child care bill--Richard Nixon vetoed it.

Equal Rights Advocates - fights for minimum wage.
Take Back Your Time - fights for well-rounded life rights.

A Better Balance - young lawyers on work/family conflict. More flexiibility, esp. for low-income workers.

The balancing Act - bill for Rep. Woolsey. Women's #1 issue is no free time, not enough time.

Mother's day a cry for peace

The woman who was responsible for initiating the celebration of Mother's Day, Julia Ward Howe, had in mind a noble purpose when she called for women's unity back in 1870--the start of the French/German war and a few years after the nominal end of the United States Civil War.

Today is a good day to share with you her impassioned cry for the mothers of the world to come together and end the reckless disregard for life and limb that is the horror of war. Our hearts--and all women give birth, whether to babies, ideas or both--may well be crying the same things today:

Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have taught them of charity, mercy and patience. We women of one country will be too tender of those of another to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the bosom of the devastated earth, a voice goes up with our own. It says, "Disarm, Disarm!"

Thanks to Cat Thompson of Emotional Technologies for sharing the mother's day peace manifesto link.

God bless mothers today.

Planning to have a baby

A certain percentage of women who are single today will never marry. Some will have long-term relationships and some won't. Either way, unless they accidentally become pregnant, those who want to have a baby must make a decision at some point to take the plunge into single motherhood.

One single mom I know said she looked around and saw friends not making the decision until their late-30s---and then struggling with fertility issues. She decided she wasn't waiting that long. If the right guy hadn't shown up by the time she was 29, she was going for it. She became pregnant immediately via a donor. Then, after the healthiest pregnancy I've ever seen---and a delivery that was accomplished completely free of drugs of any kind---she's now the overjoyed mom of a 9-month-old little girl.

For those who do want to wait, here's an idea. Got an email the other day from a company called Repromedix. They are marketing a blood/hormone test product that is supposed to help you predict how many eggs you have remaining in your ovaries--considered one important sign of fertility---so you can make a more informed decision about when to try for a pregnancy.

The courage of today's single women shines as a beacon of strength in our world. Given what many children go through when their parents divorce (1 of every 2 marriages ends this way), I cannot see being born to a single mom as tragic or awful. Too many studies have been done indicating that kids---and this includes boys---with single moms are no worse off socially and emotionally, and may even be far ahead in some measures. Check out Raising Boys: 10 Tips for Single Moms.

For those single women who choose to become moms, my congratulations on your courage. And may you and your children be a lesson in love for all the world to see.

US not alone in rising number of single-parent households

Even though the tradition to have a regular family with lots of kids has been strong among Jews, times are changing in Israel as well as other countries. The number of single-parent families in Israel has doubled over last decade. At 7% of all families, the single-parent household is a growing minority (90% of those are women-headed).

Here are the rankings of countries in order of their number of single-headed households, according to an NII report:

• United State ranked in first place with 16%
• Canada followed with 11%
• Finland, South Korea, New Zealand and Norway are ranked third with 9%
• Australia, the UK, Austria and Portugal ranked fourth with 8%
• Israel is fifth with 7%
• Denmark, Spain and Switzerland came in at sixth place (6%), and
• Germany, Greece, Japan and Luxembourg (5%).

The same forces seem to be at work in most countries--better pay and more opportunities for women are leading to fewer marriages and more women choosing to remain single after divorce or become moms on their own.

The courage of single moms by choice

It takes courage of the first order to decide to become a single mom. You know that it's going to be hard for both you and your child, but you know you have so much to give that the baby/child/adult will grow up certain of being loved and with a deep understanding and compassion for those who struggle.

I am very proud of my single daughter who made this courageous choice and was so healthy during her pregnancy that I feared she might have a 15-pound kid. She also delivered baby Sophia totally without drugs and is nursing her on demand so she will have the very best start in life.

Truly life will never be the same for my daughter or, delightedly, for me either. Another soul has joined us in this world to face what life gives, to learn and grow and love. What an honor to be able to share in that joyful adventure.

Couldn't resist sharing this great photo of my beautiful new grandchild, taken by a professional pet photographer (who also happens to be her proud aunt).

Single women: reach out and give without asking back

Give with your whole heart. Don't ask for a return. Connect with each other--for business, for all the things we need in life.

That's what celebrants at last night's opening event heard from keynote speaker Sharan Tash, owner of The ProNetworker, Inc., NAWBO Chicago director, NSA speaker, and creator of the "pay-it-forward, boomerang networking" concept. Sharan told of how giving from the heart without thought of return always comes back to you tenfold.

As a shining example of practice-what-you-preach, Sharan, SWWAN thanks you for inspiring attendees at this celebration of the first annual Single Working Women's Week holiday.

Hostess Monica Davis praised single women and single mothers for all they contribute. Thanks to all those who shared in this delightful evening, including sponsors Lynfred Winery and National City Bank. Special thanks to Rebecca Gutermuth, designer of the beautiful SWWAN jewelry line, who hosted the party at her lovely store, Radiance Fine Jewelry.

And special thanks to columnist and authoress Jacquee Thomas whose contributions made the event extra special. Passionate speaking, wine, food, violins, and sharing. It was a beautiful event. For a copy of the event's program, click here. Photos will be posted as soon as we can get them up!

If you live in Cleveland, please join us for our Cleveland SWWAN party TOMORROW!

Raising Boys Without Men - can be a good thing

Sound creepy? Radical? Weird? Well, get used to the idea, because it's going on every day--and according to an extensive deep research project conducted recently by a married female sociologist with no preconceived agenda, it's working really well in many cases.

Dr. Peggy Drexler decided to write this book after she was astonished to find her study yielding extraordinary information that debunked the oft-repeated idea that boys must have a father present in the home in order to learn how to be male. Raising Boys without Men: How maverick moms are creating the next generation of exceptional men. Contrary to popular lore, she found that the many sons of the single and lesbian moms she interviewed over 2 years were not only strong, emotionally healthy, and quite male, but they also had an abundance of flexibility and sensitivity and an extraordinarily well-developed sense of morality and justice.

Dr. Drexler concluded that it's good parenting--which can come from any combination of motherers/fatherers (people who aren't necessarily blood relatives but who care about the kids)that makes for gender-comfortable, emotionally stable boys and girls. She said it's the isolation of a parent that can produce difficulties. The most important thing is that a child have more than a single adult to whom s/he can turn for advice, comfort or other emotional needs.

For single-by-choice moms, here's a good comment from the adoptive single mother of 5: "I think the hardest thing is that I chose this for myself, so you don't have any right to ask for help. I have to watch that, because the help is there. ...people are always so worried about insulting you." Single moms, don't be afraid to invite others to share your life and your challenges. It's good for the kids, too!

The circle of life - the mother in us all

Women. Mothers. Single women as mothers. The nurturing qualities for which women are justly celebrated are not distributed in equal degrees. But regardless of what kind of mother you yourself are so far--or hope to be--you have a mother of your own. And there's no human connection like the one between mother and child. Even when fraught with pain, it is yet the most powerful bond on earth.

Tomorrow is a day to celebrate the mother in us all. Let us stand together on this day. For just a moment, close your eyes and imagine you're holding hands with every other woman on earth--imagine your neighbor, your coworker, your friend, your sister, aunt, cousin, your mom (even if she's not here). Feel in your sister's hands the warmth of her love for you, feel the energy of your friend's pains and joys passing to your fingers. Send your coworker the peace you feel in a tender moment with someone you love, feel tension and pain ebb away in the shared warmth of your hands touching.

Feel the strength you pass between you, the courage you celebrate in each other, the laughter and the tears you share with all these other women. And just for a moment, know with absolute certainty that we are all in this together.

African sons respecting their single moms

Can you imagine a grownup son deciding to change his name to include his mother's instead of his father's? Seems it's happening with some regularity in Kenya, according to this article, which also talks about neurosurgeon Ben Carson's book "Raising Boys Without Men," applauding the single "maverick moms" who help their sons grow up to be good men who also have an appreciation for feelings.

Apparently to use a feminine surname in Africa is highly unusual (in the U.S. our surnames don't denote gender) and invites ridicule from others. Yet more young sons of single moms are choosing to do it anyway because of the deep respect they have for what their mothers went through to raise them.

It's great to hear this. After watching a documentary last night about the 50 years that Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton spent trying to win the vote for women--and a few other rights like abolition, and the right of married women to own property--it makes me feel that it might be easier for men to appreciate women and be willing to grant them respect and equality if the economic distance between them isn't so wide as it is in a lot of the U.S.

Perhaps there's some of the class war about women's equality...much as racism can be viewed in that way.

Poverty is bad--but we have options

Found some stats about unequal women's pay at this student labor website. Fortunately, many single working women are now very successful financially, but when you think about the implications of these facts for a lot of other single women, you can see how far we have yet to go.

Significant: "If married women were paid the same as men in comparable jobs, their family incomes would rise by nearly 6 percent, and their families' poverty rates would fall from 2.1 percent to 0.8 percent."

Even more significant: "If single women earned as much as men in comparable jobs, their incomes would rise by 13.4 percent and their poverty rates would be reduced from 6.3 percent to 1 percent. And if single working mothers earned as much as men in comparable jobs, their family incomes would increase by nearly 17 percent and their poverty rates would be cut in half, from 25.3 percent to 12.6 percent."

I don't love statistics. They can be jimmied around to "prove" pretty much anything you want. But they can still give us some guidance on what we should be shooting for. The fact is that more and more people are remaining single--doesn't look like that trend is changing any time soon--and that 40% of births in the U.S. today are to single mainly-adult women (not teenagers).

So it appears that the simple move of paying men and women equally for the same work could quickly and dramatically change the landscape for hundreds of thousands of our children...both today and in the future...without having to think up or do anything else. And how would businesses adjust? The same way they have always done to "impossible" increases in the minimum wage.

Be inspired by how the Grameen Foundation is empowering people--and attacking poverty at its roots. These are the folks that SWWAN will be contributing a portion of its revenues to.

Now if we want to talk about saving businesses money, let's talk about health care costs.

Single mothers the losers in pay race

So it's Equal Pay Day in the U.S. Sad that we still have to have a holiday for this, but it's a part of why we still also have to have a holiday called Single Working Women's Week!

A New York Democrat on Congress's Joint Economic Committee writes about the realities that women in the workplace face today. Perhaps one of the most telling statistics is the one that says women with children get paid an average of 2.5% less than women without children--and men with children get an average of 2.1% more than men without. While those percentages may seem small, the truth is every dollar counts when you're a single mom, no matter how much you make.

It's likely to take generations and perhaps a few small miracles to truly break down the unfair practices in pay. The "Paycheck Fairness Act" before Congress sounds like at least one more brick we can throw at the situation.